Dear Europe...

Dear Europe, how do I say this? Um, it's difficult for me to say, but....well...here goes: Kiss my American ass you whining, ungrateful, boring murderers and snobs!

I like Europe. I like going to Germany to drink the best beer in the world. I like going to France to eat wonderful cheeses, amazing salads and good wines and ciders. France has great roads. Bavaria is God's country.

The rest of Europe, especially Italy, I love also. It amazes me that how by just traveling a mere 5 miles, the languages are so different that they really can't understand each other. The foods are so different between those two villages just 5 miles apart; they might even have hated each other so much in the past that they have repeatedly tried to kill each other. Barns are even contructed differently! Europe is truly amazing.

SINCE WWII

Europe since the end of World War II, a war which began at the conclusion of WW I when the bitter and nasty French and the English sore losers (they really got their asses handed to them in that war. The Germans just hung out in their trenches and fired artillery into the brave but foolishly charging English troops, slaughtering them by the ten of thousands.) mocked President Wilson in his naivete and forced upon the Germans a horrifically unfair "peace treaty." Well, the seeds were sown by those upper-crust Europeans and the result was the slaughter of another 100 million a mere 20 years later.

In the ruins of this world, where the formerly differing barns were now gone and in their place were mass graves and perhaps strewn body parts from a late war mine explosion, Roosevelt and Churchill met at Bretton-Woods and drafted what would become the world's economy going forward after the final and ultimate destruction of the German nation. It was based on fairness for most and goodness. Sure, America would stand to make a lot of dough because we were the last man standing at the end of the war.

But, it was a system based on friendly cooperation. It wasn't the system of societal destruction and abuse forced upon Eastern Europe by the Soviet Union. It wasn't the genocidal and evil wrought by the Japanese and German nations. It wasn't the pompous and boring British way of rule. It was a helpful and relatively fair and economically supportive system based on free trade.

And, whilst we were laying the foundation for this world, Americans were pumping millions into the bombed out world, Europe and Japan. We had offered to help Eastern Europe and even the Soviet Union. Stalin, however, forced the communists in charge in those countries to decline the badly needed aid. In their typical suspicious way it was believed that the American offer was really an attempt to overthrow those nations (ones that had been overthrown by Soviet agents just years and in some cases months earlier).

I TOLD YOU SO

Europe, despite saving them during two world wars and then rebuilding their nations and the world economy after the second one--and really, never saying "I told you so" or so pompously and arrogantly (in a truly European way) lecturing them on their inabilities to coexist peacefully despite their so-called belief in God (that same God that the republicans so fancy)--these inbred, bad-toothed, frogs and krauts and many more swamp type nationalities, have the balls to tell us that we, the Americans, the suppliers of their peaceful and prosperous ways of life since the end of WWII, have screwed the world simply disgusts me.

During the peak of cold war anxst, the American taxpayer was investing $346 per capita for European defense compared to $86 they were spending on their own defense from the thousands of Soviet tanks parked across the boarder in Czechoslovakia. Their amazing and simply fat social safety nets were their reward for waging murderous war against all who spoke or ate differently from them for centuries.

A LITTLE GUILT

Yes, we should take a lot of the blame for this economic collapse. The Reagan revolution was a house of cards. It created fake, virtual wealth that drove millions across the globe to quote that line from Jerry Maguire ("Show me the money", I have heard this spoken in 7 different languages!). We abused our brand essence as the world's financial lords and simply led the world down the rabbit hole which turned out to be a septic tank.

But, to have those backstabbing, want-to-be's lecture us about our failings; to tell us that they wouldn't invest money into stimulus programs because "we don't need to, we have already created sound social safety nets that you Americans didn't feel your citizenry needed." (Because, we were busy investing in your defense and rebuilding your economies, you ingrates!) This just makes my blood curdle.

So, to Europe and the whining and weak French with their spoiled boy president who threatened to walk out of the G20 meetings, I say this: Remember D-Day!

To the Germans and their oh-so-arrogant way of lecturing others about what is right and what is wrong, I say this: Remember D-Day!

To the Czechs, the Brits and anyone else kicking us while we are down, I say this: Remember D-Day!

Oh and also, I say this: Kiss my ass!