This Christmas Give yourself a gift--put the blame on Hitler!

Germany is to blame for the current economic crisis. Actually, Hitler is to blame. The Nazi’s are to blame. Global warming can also be blamed on the Germans.

This Christmas, when American children across the land are NOT getting their favorite toys—because so much of America is just now paying for the toys that our parents bought us 30 years ago—we can all sit around, as is so typical in modern-day America, and slide the blame for this collapse off our backs with the ease that just a year ago so many spoiled-rotten, hyper-consuming Americans slid their fat asses across the “pleather” seats of cars that are just way too big for common-sense!

We are not guilty for what is wrong with us and the world today: Hitler and the Germans screwed us all.

Pax Americana—American Peace—was not a political system as they would have us believe. It was and is still—but not for much longer—an economic system based on greed. It was and is an economic system based on abuse of the earth and its resources.

Packaged in ever-increasing sizes of soft-drinks, popcorn and so many millions of other foodstuffs, appliances, etc, America’s democratic goodness was prostituted to make sales to the world. The ethos that you can have whatever you want in any size or color became to billions throughout the world the “dream of America.”

The beauty and the success of Pax America was simple: Americans, as they evolved from savers to spenders, had insatiable tastes so there was still so, so much demand for yet so, so many things to guarantee strong sales for decades to come; and, the rest of the world wasn’t even yet in the tadpole stage of economic development—there was still so, so much that had to happen before the world could start hopping about in gleeful consumption. Man, were the big bosses and company owners happy.

And then, with the appetites—and I mean literal ones—of Americans growing to unfathomable and even embarrassing proportions (despite all of our talk about God and such, after all, greed and gluttony are deadly sins), the rest of the world bought into our way and yes, they too wanted to live like Americans.

This started in earnest about 10 years ago when all of the BRIC nations began consumption catch-up. Suddenly, the resources of the world were being strained in ways never before seen. Inflation became a real concern for the whole world because there were just not enough resources to go around. Demand was not being satisfied!

And, with the massive increases in the output of consumer goods, emissions of carbon dioxide increased to dangerous levels. And, in the midst of all of this money, money, money and extremely distorted values—wealth became almost holy, an enlightened state of being for so many fat ass Christians (Amway meetings were Christian rituals)—randy schemes for making money out of nothing overtook financial institutions who once prided themselves on reliability, their reputations and trust-worthiness.

And, just like that. The whole big soap bubble burst and now the world’s eyes are stinging. And why did this all come about? Because a punk, racist from Linz, Austria invaded every European nation he could see on his map and as a result of his madness, the true Frankenstein, American military industrial might was created and unleashed.

With millions of everything needed to wage a “good war” against Nazi terror being produced and in amazingly quick ways being disseminated to troops throughout the world, when that war stopped suddenly, Frankenstein couldn’t possibly go back to sleep.

First, we needed to rebuild the world; and then, we needed to save the world from communism. Both of those things required that Frank be kept alive. And, in the meantime, Frank’s capacity was so vast that he managed to wage minor skirmishes and simultaneously make tons and tons of needless, even dangerous, ecology-destroying, cancer-causing shit: the shit that shaped the glory of Pax Americana.

Had Hitler not started that war; had he been stopped in Munich in 1938, this Christmas, children would be getting one gift—and they would be happy—and families would be celebrating rather than dreaming of the needless shit they couldn’t buy because their 8th credit card was maxed out and cancelled.

This Christmas is Munich 1938 and it is time for us to wake up and smell the Linzer torts. It is time for us to change our consuming, greedy ways or bid farewell to everything we have known and loved and called America. And then, once we have done this, we can close down fast-food drive-thrus, Mall America and the Sam’s Clubs; and, on a Sunday in the near future, families will actually find time to be bored.